some days I admit, I wish I could change my name to something they wouldn't yell every 3 minutes). I never question my decision to have kids...I've ALWAYS wanted to be a Mom. I have two of the most beautiful opposite girls and I love them both so much it hurts. I find myself hurting for other reasons lately too. What do I do when my 2 yr old is in school? What am I going to do with me? I've been raising kids...it sort of leaves me feeling helpless. Where did I go in all of this? Is that who I am now, a wife, a mother? Should I be content and happy with that? Is it selfish to think otherwise? I have nothing to complain about. We're all healthy, we're all happy, two things that not all people are. I know I am blessed beyond all measure. I'm not complaining...just wondering. Pondering. Worrying. Being selfish?
My girls didn't come with instruction manuals. I pray I'm doing this parenting thing right. I don't want to find out too late that I could have done something better or different, something that could have made their lives easier. In these 8 years I have run the gamut of emotions that comes along with raising kids...or so I thought. I'm just finding out how hard it is to watch your child struggle. I hate it, it just hurts knowing she is hurting. I wish I could ingest all of the information, confusion and frustration and spit it out in a way that would make sense. She is working so hard, she is such a beautiful, sweet, loving child. I know I have a long way to go. Boyfriends, best friends, feelings, puberty. I hope both my girls take it easy on me. ARRRGGGGHHHH...this parenting thing is NOT for wusses*!*
"Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.”
~Elizabeth Stone
No truer words.....
Note to self:
No more staying up late eating chocolate/peanut butter cookies (thanks Aunt Mol*!*) during that oh so delicate week during the month when everything you see, think, read makes you cry. Oh yeah, and don't blog while doing the aforementioned things.
You know I can't leave it at that right?
Mallory wanted me to sit with her today on the floor while she was eating her snack (good old Goldfish crackers). Of course we couldn't just sit there and ended up having a tickle fight complete with squealing and giggling and of course, a mess of spilled goldfish and crumbs. Tonight as I was putting on my pj's, I look down and notice one of those little orange fishies ended up in my *up-top unmentionables*. So of course I remove the little smiling cracker (while sighing and repeating my friend Molly's mantra, "My life is glamorous....My life is glamorous..."). If that wasn't strange enough...the little guy left an imprint on my....um...chest...complete with smile.
my life is glamorousmy life is glamorous
my life is glamorous...
13 comments:
I was going to do a similar post, except it was apologizing to all of the moms who wondered what they were going to do. I was making fun of them. I was all "I've got PLANS!" I've been making these plans for the last 7 - 15 years of my life!
Then I came home on day 3 and I actually scared the crap out of myself because the damn house was so quiet.
Now I always have the TV on.
My husband is constantly trying to throw things down my shirt. At the end of the day it's not surprising to find an M&M or whatever he's thrown down there still hiding.
You know I have a lot of those same fears about when Aiden goes to school. It's normal and scary!
I had to laugh at the goldfish. That is too funny.
Did you see me email why I couldn't call you back yesterday?? I don't know if Todd has the cell phone or not today. I'll have to check.
I know what you are feeling right now! I think I have cried every day lately. Both my guys are in school now. I wish I could control everything and protect them - I realize I can't but it doesn't make it any easier.
Best of luck!
I think glamour is overrated. I'd be happy with contentment. Although that may be more difficult to find. ;)
I LOVE that quote. :)
Now, who leads the glamourous life? It's not any one of us, I imagine.
Unless of course your swarthy husband is tossing food down your cleavage OR, feeding you those fishy crackers one by one...then painting your toenails.
ahhhhh.
I remember when all my kids left home. I'm employed at a job I love, and all my kids grew up. LOSS OF SELF! All the things I had planned to do over the years, suddenly didn't seem so fun. Love the kids while you have them around.
What beautiful children! :)
....and it's obvious that you cherish them beyond measure.
You're a lucky girl. :)
Well, their slogan is "The snack that smiles back!" Hee hee. They just never said where that snack might end up smiling!
I am constantly wondering if I am parenting the right way. At any given time, I wonder what other moms are doing with their children right at that moment, and if I've missed something I should be doing. I just want to give my boy a good start in life.
Just stumbled across your blog over at Seeking Sanity. Glad I dropped by.
First, I love that your girls are opposite. I wrote a post yesterday that talks about this. My three sisters and I took our first sister's vacation. We are all soooo different, but have a tremendous bond. It was amazingly comforting--not to mention fun--to bond.
Second, I know how you feel about school and "me" time. My youngest entered kindergarten a few weeks ago--all-day kindergarten. I am at home and trying to decide EXACTLY what I want to be now that I am somewhat grown up--or just have more time on my hands. It isn't as easy as I thought. Let me know what you figure out :).
Again, glad I stopped by,
That is one HAPPY goldfish.
Your girls are SO adorable. You are a very lucky MOMMY. I feel for you having your little one go off to pre-school. :(
I think you have a pretty good idea of who you are, you just need to realize that. You are a pretty cool lady.
You'll be okay.
I have been home with my kids for 16 years and still have moments where I wonder "where am I in all of this?" I have to say, it gets easier as time goes along and at some point I became more content with my position - my life. I still am looking for ways to fill my time with "me moments" and still try to believe that I was not meant for "bigger things". I hope you find your peace and your place - I am certain you will!
Take care and see you soon - Kellan
That little fish cracker is just too darn cute! Yes, a glamorous life would be nice but I'll take good health and happiness for sure! Hey, let me know how your boob makes out!! Hope I didn't scare you!
You never are NOT a mother!!! No matter how old you are they will still be your babies.
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